See How Easy?

Anyone can make a birth certificate.

---

State of the Union

Having not watched the bonehead's State of the Union Address last night I can't quote it verbatim, but I'm going to give what I believe is a reasonable facsimile of what was said.

So now, loosely quoted, the Teleprompter In Chief:

"Good evening."

"Lie, economy, lie, jobs, bullshit. Immigration reform, hot air, work together, lie. Soldiers, bullshit, education, evade, responsibility, dodge, deficit, lie. Bullshit, hot air, lie, bullshit."

"Good night."

---

In Related News

Fixing oil disaster my responsibility, Obama says

I'm sure that once BP gets the leak plugged 'His Assholedness' will claim it was all due to his persistence and pressure.

Hell, he'll probably make it clear how it was his own damn finger - that one there, the one he's holding aloft - which was used to plug the leak.

---

The "O"ne Gets To See Santa

Santa: HO-HO-HO!!! Come here and sit on my knee. Have you been a good... Shit. It's you.

T.O.T.U.S.: Hiya Santy! Lemme tell ya what I want for Kwan- er, Christmas!

Santa: So tell me, have you been a good boy this - wait a minute. Let's forget the canned response here. That 'B-' you gave yourself? That was a stretch. Shoulda bee an "F", for Fuckup. And you said it with a straight face. Okay, get on with it. Whaddya want?

T.O.T.U.S.: I want the healthcare bill passed, I want to get the troops out of bumfuck middle east, I want socialism, I want a new set of drapes for the Oval Office, I want eleventy-trillion more dollars ...

Santa: Huh? A new set of drapes?

T.O.T.U.S.: Yeah. Michelle keeps making dresses out of all the fucking drapes and sofa covers in the White House.

Santa: Ah. True dat. I think I can swing that.

T.O.T.U.S.: And what about the rest?

Santa: You mean the same shit you were promising the American people during your presidential campaign?

T.O.T.U.S.: Yeah. All that shit.

Santa: Well how do you expect me to do all that?

T.O.T.U.S.: Pull it out of your ass? Like I would?

Santa: Let's start with the healthcare. You people are ramming that through against the will of the majority of the population. How can you justify that?

T.O.T.U.S.: Fuck 'em. We know more about running this country than they do. They're a bunch of idiots. They don't understand.

Santa: And the troops?

T.O.T.U.S.: Well, see, that shit sounds good on the campaign trail, but the reality is after you learn what's going on over there, you just can't up and leave. See, that's something else the American people don't understand. Fuck 'em.

Santa: The American people think that if we weren't wasting all that money on a war it could be used for healthcare.

T.O.T.U.S.: Yeah, well they're idiots. How many jobs would be lost if we all of a sudden didn't need all those soldiers and contractors? And besides. It's all Bush's fault.

Santa: Bush's fault?

T.O.T.U.S.: Yes. He started the war to get the oil.

Santa: The oil that causes the "Global Warming™"?

T.O.T.U.S.: Shuddup.

Santa: What about the eleventy-trillion dollars?

T.O.T.U.S.: Taxes baby. There are too many unemployed people who need money, and there are too many employed people who have too much. They need to share their wealth.

Santa: But if you give away all the extra money you say those people don't need and give free money, healthcare and housing to people who don't make money, why should people continue working and pay for people who don't?

T.O.T.U.S.: Shuddup. It's all Bush's fault.

Santa: So then why do you think that the government, who can't seem to run a decent delivery service - keep it from going broke, or veteran's administration healthcare service - keep it from going broke, or a social security system - keep it from going broke, would be good at running a public/socialized healhcare system?

T.O.T.U.S.: Shuddup. It's Bush's fault.

Santa: You know what, you're a liar and a cheat. You're getting a lump of coal in your stocking. That's it!

T.O.T.U.S.: B-b-but the carbon! The pollution! The EPA!

Santa: Next.

T.O.T.U.S.: B-b-but Santa!

Santa: NEXT!

T.O.T.U.S.: Bush's fault I tell you!

Santa: NEEEEEXT!!!



-

"Obama says al Qaeda still greatest threat to U.S."

Sorry sport, YOU'RE the greatest threat to the U.S.

I know. Mr. Obvious to some, Mr. Cynical gun-toting give-him-a-chance-to-fix-Bush's-fuck-ups right-winger to others.

To the rest of the world? He may as well suck the cock of every foreign envoy he meets. It's the message he imparts.

-

I Found A New Website

Where you can create your very own Obamacon like this one:

---

Care For A Little Bullshit With Your Waffle?

From ABC News:

Sources tell ABC News that as of now President Obama will likely announce his decision about a new strategy in Afghanistan at some point between the Afghan run-off election, November 7, and the president’s departure for Tokyo, Japan, on Wednesday, November 11.

There is a chance the announcement may be delayed until the president’s return from the Asia trip on Friday, November 20, but as of now the plan is to have the announcement in that window.
[...]

Will likely? At some point? There is a chance?

Good gawd. This sounds like Cox Cable scheduling a repair a week from Saturday sometime between 10 and 4 o'clock.

Flakey fuck.

If he would only take the war as seriously as he does socialized medicine...



-

NEWSFLASH!!!

OBAMA WINS OSCAR!!!

Kudos there, fucknut. It will look good there on the shelf with your Nobel.




Who was it, Jimmah Carter who stated something along the lines of Ronald Reagan's presidential campaign was the best job of acting he had ever done?

Looks like Obamm-bamm picked up a few pointers.

-

Nobel 'Peace' Prize - Recap

I read these over at Gateway Pundit's place:

Top Quotes From This Year's Nobel Peace Prize Winner

Obama on his political opponents:

"They Bring a Knife...We Bring a Gun"

Obama to his supporters:

"Get in Their Faces!"

Obama on ACORN mobs:

"I don't want to quell anger. I think people are right to be angry! I'm angry!"

Obama to his mercenary army:

"Hit Back Twice As Hard"

Obama on the killer Iranian regime murdering their own people in the street:

"The Iranians are having a robust debate."

Obama on defending genocide (2007):

The United States cannot use its military to solve humanitarian problems and that preventing a potential genocide in Iraq isn't a good enough reason to keep U.S. forces there.

Obama justifying killing babies who survive an abortion:

"Essentially adding an additional doctor who then has to be called in an emergency situation to come in and make these assessments is really designed simply to burden the original decision."

Yup. That's a right peaceful feller you fucks gave the prize to.

Lying Fucking Liar

I didn’t even know that ACORN was getting a whole lot of federal money.
- P.O.T.U.S.

Uh, yeah. And if you really expect anyone to believe that shit you're dumber than I previously though.

Quote of the Day

Spake by:

Jonah Goldberg
Funny how the people who run the most sophisticated communication operation in the history of the presidency keep concluding that their difficulties stem from their inability to get their message out and never from what their message actually is.
[...]

Gee. Ya think?




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Silence Is Golden

CURL: Biden fills vacationing Obama's void

[...]
Mr. Obama, his poll numbers plummeting after a long August recess, has all but dropped out of sight, except for his appearances at the services for Sen. Edward M. Kennedy. In Martha's Vineyard last week, he kept reporters far away as he played golf on Monday, and Tuesday, and Thursday and Friday.
[...]

You know, I was thinking to myself that I hadn't heard any magnanimous lies lately coming from the White House. I guess that is why.

On the good side though if obamm-bamm isn't talking he isn't lying.






~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Brother, Can You Spare A Trillion?

So the T.O.T.U.S. said he was going to create jobs. Damned if he didn't too!
Look at all the 'czar' jobs he created!



Here is the list I have dug up so far. Supposedly, we're up to 30 some-odd.
I'm sure there are a few more in the works, but good gawd. It looks like the "Who's Who" of '60s Russia:

1. Border Czar
2. Car Czar
3. Climate Czar
4. Drug czar Gil Kerlikowske
5. Economic Czar
6. Energy czar
7. Faith-based czar
8. Global Warming Czar
9. Guantanamo/Military Jails Czar
10. Government performance czar
11. Great Lakes czar
12. Green jobs czar
13. Health reform czar
14. Mideast peace czar
15. Mideast policy czar
16. Non-proliferation czar
17. Pay czar
18. Regulatory czar Cass Sunstein
19. Stimulus accountability czar
20. Sudan czar
21. TARP czar
22. Technology czar
23. Terrorism czar (I thought they didn't use that word)
24. Urban affairs czar
25. WMD czar

We're going to need a fucking Czar czar to keep track of the czars.
Say that as fast as you can three times without gagging.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hey Kids!

TOTUS here, whuzzup!!!
Like my new 'do?:



Ha-ha! uuhh, I'm just kidding. That's uuhh, really just a uuhh, chia pet. Ask your mommy and your uuhh, daddy about them. uuhh, They used to be the shit uuhh, the bomb back when I was uuhh, young like you.

You just uuhh, add water to this uuhh, this pot thing here, and uuhh, uuhh, it grows! uuhh, It grows - just like the debt I'm burdening your uuhh, your parents with, which in turn uuhh, you'll uuhh, you'll inherit when uuhh, you get uuhh, hopefully get out of uuhh, college.
See, we have to uuhh, provide uuhh, we have to take care uuhh, of The Children™, becuuuhh, because that's the christian uuhh, socialist uuhh, American thing to do.
Even uuhh, even the first lady, my uuhh, my lovely wife Michelle agrees. Give a hollauuhh, Michelle:


"HOLAAAA!!!"

uuhh, Thank you my love.

Well, uuhh, kids - I better get back to work. I need to figure uuhh, out how to fuck your parents uuhh, sugar up this healthcare uuhh, plan so uuhh, so it will be something your uuhh, parents will like. Get them on my uuhh, side, get their uuhh, their support.
We all need to uuhh, pull together, shoulder to uuhh, the wheel, lift that bail, uuhh, tote that barge. Nose to the uuhh, grindstone. uuhh, uuhh, uuhh, uuhh, ...
Time to run and stay neutral! Bye uuuh, bye now.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well?

Slick Willy Clinton was labeled as a weak president when it came to stating his stance on foreign affairs. What I mean is, many times he would side with neither 'side', and ultimately chose to remain neutral. Therefore, we had a U.S.S. Cole incident, a World Trade Center bombing, and due to his lack of spine regarding events in raghead central, the eventual destruction of a good sized chunk of New York not to mention a good sized chunk of the U.S. and even world economy.

So now we have another stupid fucking weak assed spineless democrat in office who is behaving pretty much the same way as Slick Willy regarding North Korea and Iran.
What's the plan there, Braack? Eh Braack? You going to do anything Braack? Or are you going to just sit there in your office gleefully giving our salaries away to welfare moms and wetbacks, whilst waiting for something to happen which America will be forced to react to rather than doing something to ensure it doesn't?



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The First 100 Days

Or as I like to say, the longest 100 days of my life so far, since I divorced my first wife anyway.
From The Onion:

• DAY 100: Everything all fixed.

• DAY 99: President Obama is relieved to find out that no one really pays attention to a president's second 100 days in office.

• DAY 98: An ear of corn wakes up in the middle of the night screaming, "Vilsack!!"

.
.
.

• DAY 10: Secretary of Housing and Urban Development Donovan wonders if they mean "urban" like "city" or "urban" like "black."

• DAY 9: Impressionist Rich Little sits in a bathrobe on the floor of his one-bedroom apartment trying to figure out how to say "I am not a crook" like Barack Obama.

• DAY 8: Rahm Emanuel's "open door" policy is severely tested by political director Patrick Gaspard's repeated claims that someone is taking Splenda packets from the jar on his desk.

• DAY 7: After figuring out a comprehensive solution for the economic crisis in a dream, President Obama issues an executive order requisitioning a fleet of freight liners and 147,000 tons of eggplant.

• DAY 6: Joe Biden spends the day sitting on a couch in the Oval Office, saying he "just wants to watch."

• DAY 5: Secretary of Agriculture Tom Vilsack spends another day worried that his unanimous confirmation means people have forgotten what a hell-raiser he was as mayor of Mount Pleasant, IA.

• DAY 4: Former treasury secretary Henry Paulson is discovered sleeping next to the boiler in the White House basement.

• DAY 3: Obama takes a few minutes to fill out the change of address card for his Popular Mechanics subscription.

• DAY 2: Suddenly everyone in the Roosevelt Room looks around and realizes: yes, this will be the seating arrangement for the next four years.

• DAY 1: In one of his first acts as president, Obama begins the process of closing down the CIA prisons that he knows about.

Go read the rest if you have some time on your hands. Some of them are sorta funny.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Neglect

ne·glect (n-glkt)

tr.v. ne·glect·ed, ne·glect·ing, ne·glects

1. To pay little or no attention to; fail to heed; disregard: neglected their warnings.

2. To fail to care for or attend to properly: neglects her appearance.

3. To fail to do or carry out, as through carelessness or oversight: neglected to return the call.

n.

1. The act or an instance of neglecting something.

2. The state of being neglected.

3. Habitual lack of care.

Everyone knows what neglect is. I really didn't need to add the definition at the top of the page there, but what the hell.

Neglect happens all the time. Inattention to detail, procrastination, late payments, not telling someone "Thank you" and so on.
Businesses get you to sign up for an introductory offer with the condition that you must call them after the trial period has ended and cancel the service or you will automatically be billed the regular rate. They hope that you will either like the service and retain it, or just neglect to cancel it, either way they will glean the regular fee after the introductory period has ended.
Cable companies sign you up for the free 3 month trial of the movie channels hoping you will not bother to cancel at the end of the term.
Video rental stores let you rent a movie for a set price for so many days hoping all along that you will be late returning it thereby racking up late fees.
Same with any other company who extends you credit. Mortgages, car loans, credit cards, ... The list goes on. Even though they preach making payments on time to retain a good credit score, they secretly hope you're late so they can collect late fees. Which from having worked at a high risk credit card application center in the past, I know for a fact we made more money on late fees than we did regular fees.

And credit card companies are some of the biggest crooks in the world. They let you sign up for the introductory rate which is a lot of times 0% for ____ months, then sock it to you. They have in their contract - which you accept and are contractually obligated to merely by signing up for their card - the option of raising your rate and charging different fees whenever they want, unless it specifically states otherwise.
They are fucks. But that's the price you pay when you use revolving credit. So what business does the idiot in the White House have meddling in their business? I'm not quite sure. I guess it's just another look good thing prompted by whiney-assed libtards.

Obama to prod credit card firms on fee practices

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