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Thursday, April 30, 2009

The First 100 Days

Or as I like to say, the longest 100 days of my life so far, since I divorced my first wife anyway.
From The Onion:
  • DAY 100: Everything all fixed.

  • DAY 99: President Obama is relieved to find out that no one really pays attention to a president's second 100 days in office.

  • DAY 98: An ear of corn wakes up in the middle of the night screaming, "Vilsack!!"

  • DAY 10: Secretary of Housing and Urban Development Donovan wonders if they mean "urban" like "city" or "urban" like "black."

  • DAY 9: Impressionist Rich Little sits in a bathrobe on the floor of his one-bedroom apartment trying to figure out how to say "I am not a crook" like Barack Obama.

  • DAY 8: Rahm Emanuel's "open door" policy is severely tested by political director Patrick Gaspard's repeated claims that someone is taking Splenda packets from the jar on his desk.

  • DAY 7: After figuring out a comprehensive solution for the economic crisis in a dream, President Obama issues an executive order requisitioning a fleet of freight liners and 147,000 tons of eggplant.

  • DAY 6: Joe Biden spends the day sitting on a couch in the Oval Office, saying he "just wants to watch."

  • DAY 5: Secretary of Agriculture Tom Vilsack spends another day worried that his unanimous confirmation means people have forgotten what a hell-raiser he was as mayor of Mount Pleasant, IA.

  • DAY 4: Former treasury secretary Henry Paulson is discovered sleeping next to the boiler in the White House basement.

  • DAY 3: Obama takes a few minutes to fill out the change of address card for his Popular Mechanics subscription.

  • DAY 2: Suddenly everyone in the Roosevelt Room looks around and realizes: yes, this will be the seating arrangement for the next four years.

  • DAY 1: In one of his first acts as president, Obama begins the process of closing down the CIA prisons that he knows about.

Go read the rest if you have some time on your hands. Some of them are sorta funny.